No, this post isn’t about shopping. Or fashion. For the first time, I recognize that I need to get some real therapy instead of relying on retail therapy for my anxiety and depression. This week, I made a big leap and had a consultation with a counselor.
If you’ve never been to a therapy consultation, then you probably don’t know about the giant packet of paperwork they ask you to fill out, asking extremely specific questions about your darkest moments and terrifying thoughts you aren’t even willing you admit to yourself, let alone a stupid piece of paper.
After taking over half an hour to finish a multiple choice exam about my own life, I felt awfully crazy and anxious. You know what anxiety-ridden people love? Guilt. The counselor took me back into her office and told me that I “ate up our consultation time” because it took me so long to do the paperwork. As if I weren’t already feeling bad enough about myself, right?
I’ve always been radically self-aware. This is usually seen as a mature, appreciated trait in a woman my age. My counselor did not find it amusing or helpful to our consultation. Or maybe, she just wasn’t listening because she was projecting her own ideas about me onto our session. Is that how this works?
Post-consultation, I know that I definitely need to see a therapist. My reactions to these seemingly insignificant moments are not “normal” and I know that I need help. This may have been a traumatizing situation, but I’m motivated to try again–from someone else, of course.
It took a lot of inner coaxing, but I’ve decided to write about my experiences, at least over the next couple of months, with depression, anxiety, and therapy. This blog is geared mostly towards twenty-something women. I don’t have any presumptions about the fashionability of my readers. We may not share the same sense of style, city in which we live, relationship status, or hobbies. However, in my blogging experience, readers appreciate a writer who isn’t afraid to share her dark stories alongside her shopping escapades. I’ve written about my unhealthy relationship with food, but I’ve only blogged a little about depression. I think that it’s time someone in the fashion blogging world opens up to readers about who we are beneath our clothes.
Whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. It’s so important that you have a support system of people who can validate your experiences with their own stories. I hope that I can be a part of that encouragement for at least a handful of my readers. Maybe I can even inspire some of you to write about your own struggles. I don’t want to get preachy about any of this, because I’m obviously not an expert. Writing is my way of starting conversations about things I don’t have answers to. I hope you’ll join in.
What do you think about fashion bloggers getting deep? If you’ve ever seen a counselor and you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear about your early experiences with the system. Am I overreacting to what happened to me?